The Exclusion and Misconceptions of Bisexuality

Interestingly enough, bisexual individuals tend to get a lot of disdain and are excluded from both people within and outside of the LGBT community.  Here are five misconceptions about bisexuality and my thoughts on the matter as a bisexual.

Bisexuality is “just a phase” or “doesn’t exist”.

No, bisexuality is not just “a phase”. It is not something an individual will just grow out of. It is not just “experimenting” to see which side we like more and what side we will pick eventually. It is it’s own sexual orientation just like being gay, lesbian, straight, etc. and just as valid. Yes, it’s true that for some bisexuality is a phase, an exploration of their sexuality, or a fall back for some lesbians and gays as they start to come out of the closet, however to suggest that every bisexual is just in a phase is ludicrous and completely undermines and invalidates a core part of people as just something temporary or non-existent and it happens far too often. The fact that this discrimination comes from within the LGBT community as well as outside of it, is upsetting because of how hypocritical it is. Almost as if they forget that the “B” in LGBT stands for bisexual, that bisexuals make up a good majority of the community and we are all trying to gain acceptance for who we are. This isn’t us just jumping on the “queer bandwagon” as a lot of people like to say.

Being married or in a long term relationship with one specific gender means we are no longer bisexual and have chosen a side. This prejudice especially seems to go for bisexuals within a heterosexual relationship.

Yes actually, we are. I personally hate this this misconception, because it seems that a lot of people believe that whatever gender your partner is automatically seems to deem your sexual orientation. Bisexuality is not a placeholder to “choose a side”. Some bisexual people do sometimes choose to only date one gender for their own reasons, or perhaps have a preference for one side more over the other, but no matter who they are with they can’t stop their feelings of attraction, anymore than a gay or straight individual can. It’s not a requirement to “gain experience” with both men and women to be considered bisexual. Personally, I am a bisexual woman married to my best friend who is a “straight-as-they-come” man as I like to joke. I have only ever been with men. However, I still am attracted to both men and women, ergo, bisexual. Being married to or in a relationship with one gender doesn’t change or invalidate anything.

Bisexuals “sleep around” and have fidelity issues. 

All I can really do is laugh at this one because of how hilariously ignorant this statement is. Sure, you know what, some people who are bisexual probably do sleep around and cheat… but so do lesbians, gays and straight people. This generalization is honestly unfair to those of us who are in happy, healthy relationships, because it makes us out to be promiscuous, liars, and without morals when a good majority of us, are in fact, the complete opposite. Is it really so hard to believe that? Or the fact that, no, being bisexual does not automatically mean we like three-ways? I mean come on. This is something based on an individual, not a group of people… and the three-way thing is kind of weird. If that is your thing great… but it’s not for everyone. Please… stop asking.

We’re not “in the closet” if we aren’t transparent about our sexual orientation.

Just because some of us don’t openly talk about our sexuality, does not mean we are in the closet or in denial about who we are. Not everyone has to have shoved down their throat or made consciously aware on a daily basis that we are bisexual. We don’t need to seek out validation consistently from everyone we know. Personally, I am more private about it, a good majority of my family and friends probably never really realized or still are unaware that I am bisexual. It doesn’t make me any less valid or not “out”. I’m totally fine with this, because in my opinion, who I choose to love and who I am attracted to is honestly no one’s business, but it’s not a secret either. If they know they know, if they don’t, whatever. It’s fine. Really.

Bisexuals are attracted to and will sleep with everyone.

Not true in the slightest. We have standards and preferences, just like anyone else. We aren’t lust-filled animals for Pete’s sake. Being bisexual does not mean “I want to sleep with everyone” as opposed to “I will sleep with someone regardless of their gender”. Also having attraction for someone does not mean we will act on those feelings. I mean, men, are you attracted to every woman you see? Women, are you attracted to every man you see? Kind of silly right?

What are your thoughts? What kinds of things have you heard about bisexuality or what are your experiences as a self-identifying bisexual? Leave a comment below.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s